he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
