he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
