you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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