ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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