The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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