go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
