I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
