I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
No more Irish car bombs ever.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
