mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
