I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
