You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
