I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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