Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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