He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
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You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
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Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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