If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
