my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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