I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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