I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
