$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
