wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
