The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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