My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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