Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
