Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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