News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
