Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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