is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
