I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
We are two peas in an std pod
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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