I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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