nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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