I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
