i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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