How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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