Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
