I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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