I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
