Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
