Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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