Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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