I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
