i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
