The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
