Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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