So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
