So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
