WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow