Texts From Last Night

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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?

  (1-570): View more from Pennsylvania

  you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911

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  (570): why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds? (1-570): you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911 http://tfl.nu/vzb8
  Replies (109) Good night (40634) Bad night (2298)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something

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  (727): but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something http://tfl.nu/beva
  Replies (14) Good night (867) Bad night (2410)
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  (931): View more from Tennessee

  don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding

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  (931): don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding http://tfl.nu/47j9
  Replies (10) Good night (5775) Bad night (1152)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.

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  (717): Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this. http://tfl.nu/jiq7
  Replies (15) Good night (7443) Bad night (1241)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.

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  (253): Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser. http://tfl.nu/y4fk
  Replies (16) Good night (5790) Bad night (1466)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.

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  (306): It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story. http://tfl.nu/6m1s
  Replies (14) Good night (1148) Bad night (2933)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."

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  (406): I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works." http://tfl.nu/3ym3
  Replies (8) Good night (3751) Bad night (843)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes

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  (519): If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes http://tfl.nu/ayyp
  Replies (29) Good night (4180) Bad night (1321)
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  (310): View more from California

  Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face

  (310): View more from California

  On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?

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  (310): Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face (310): On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people? http://tfl.nu/ezwy
  Replies (6) Good night (2072) Bad night (744)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Challenge Accepted

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  (216): Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight (440): Challenge Accepted http://tfl.nu/bdzo
  Replies (11) Good night (2492) Bad night (720)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.

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  (540): There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong. http://tfl.nu/f8bz
  Replies (1) Good night (920) Bad night (311)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.

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  (412): I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn. http://tfl.nu/rnnm
  Replies (3) Good night (528) Bad night (311)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet

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  (720): Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet http://tfl.nu/1g40
  Replies (4) Good night (1146) Bad night (284)
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  (469): View more from Texas

  I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car

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  (469): I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car http://tfl.nu/2mv3
  Replies (2) Good night (309) Bad night (658)
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  (710): View more from

  my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking

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  (710): my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking http://tfl.nu/zpwa
  Replies (4) Good night (703) Bad night (249)

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