Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Piņatas plus fireworks don't mix well
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.