If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
