she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
