you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize