I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question