she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.