Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
my being single is dangerous.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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