I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
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You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
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I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...