If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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