In America we eat man semen.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
