just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
