I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND