I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
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as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.