I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
23 Medical Examiners Reveal The Most Disturbing Causes Of Death They’ve Seen
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.