Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
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He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
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I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.