I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
