So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge