Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? ðð
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.