he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
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So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
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Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?