he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
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I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
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It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?