I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
