I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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