I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
