Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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