So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
