Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
