when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
