My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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