So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
