i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
