Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
its not stalking. its research.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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