how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
