i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
