dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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