fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize
