Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
