After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
