Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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