Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
