Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
