i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize