I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
