is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
