I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
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