Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
