Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Randomize
