Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
