I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
