don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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