and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
